I would like to make two comments on Rabbi Dr. Berman's instructive post:
1. It is counterproductive and possibly self-defeating to argue that religion leads to a positive lifestyle. Whether stable marriages, a strong work ethic, or a myriad of other character traits and life outcomes are attributable to a religious life style is open to debate. Many ostensibly religious individuals and families fail this litmus test horribly (as anyone working in the mental health profession can relate). The argument that such "stability is largely a product of the [religious] lifestyle you have chosen to live" both makes religion too utilitarian and can be countered by many examples to the contrary.
Likewise, while in the best case scenario "the religious life moves us toward responsibility, sanctifies limitation and makes us other-directed," all too often this is not the case in practice and children who have grown up in a religious society will have no problem picking up on what Holden Caufield once called "phoniness."
2. On the positive side, given the ba'al teshuvah movement of the last several decades, children may be opting out of religion because they are questioning and choosing their own paths just as their parents did. We may not like our children choosing a different path, but we should be flattered if they see parental behavior as a positive model for their own, even if their choices pain us. Whether we can or should convince them that our choices were better is both a strategic and moral question particularly suitable to this listserve.
Bevrakha,
Meshulam
Meshulam Gotlieb, MA
Academic Translator and English-Language Editor
Member of the Israel Translators Association
www.MGtransed.com
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/30/2015 09:40AM by mlb.
