<HTML>Ye_asher Koachachem for an outstanding forum. The issues discussed are
quite pertinent; this venue was long overdue.
The current discussion about sex-education in the Torah classroom is
quite important. In almost every informal educational setting (youth
organization, summer camp, etc.) and formal classroom where I have
asked for input from the students on subject material, two topics
invariably surface: Mashiach/Techiat Hameitim and the Torah's view on
Sex (usually labeled "Negiah"). Clearly, kids think about it and those
students that have even a modicum of interest and feel relatively close
to their teacher will constantly bring it up. I think there are a
number of issues to keep in mind when preparing for - and delivering -
sex discussions/classes:
1. Since the topic is so sensitive, much of our success or failure in
conveying the Torah's perspective on sex is based on the students'
relationship with - and attitude towards - the teacher/Rebbe. They have
to know that s/he is sincere and is ultimately interested in their well
being. This can only be accomplished over a long period of time. I
would be most reluctant to speak with a group of students on this topic
without knowing them quite well. If they perceive the teacher as
judgmental or distant, much of the sources and ideas will fall on deaf
- and uncomfortable - ears. If, on the other hand, the students feel
close to the teacher and sense that s/he is open, honest, and
knowledgeable, the students can be tremendously receptive. It can be a
most fulfilling experience, but a relationship must be developed months
in advance.
Incidentally, I think this point is the main reason it is so difficult
to include sex education in a curriculum for all rebbaim and teachers:
unfortunately, not every teacher can convey his or her sincerity and
warmth in the classroom.
2. The students must understand that what they are feeling is normal -
not just biologically and in relation to the rest of the world but as
an integral part G-d's design (k'veyachol). The feelings have to be
channeled and put on hold, but they are normal nonetheless. If the
students are made to feel aberrant or deviate, the discussion will be
over before it begins.
3. I agree with Robbie Sassoon's comments about the importance and
limitations of sources. Many of the students most interested in these
discussions do not believe "negiah" to be permissible. If they have
thought about it at all, they probably view it in the same way they
view nonkosher gum-chewing and basketball on Shabbos: "My Rabbi doesn't
like it but it doesn't make me a bad kid. Everybody does it." Others
might look at it as some kind of "chumra" ("Are you 'shomer negiah'?)
as if one can pick and choose halachot like food at a buffet. But even
the latter is not a well-thought out life plan: they are not waiting
for the sources to prove them wrong and to compel them to lead a vastly
different lifestyle. Still, it goes without saying that Biblical and
Halachic sources are crucial and must be a central component of any
discussion on the topic.
4. It also must be remembered that these kids are influenced by
everything and anything that Western Civilization has to offer today
(TV's, magazines, internet, etc.) most of which is antithetical to the
Torah especially when it comes to these issues. If the students are not
spoken with on their own level and on their own playing field, it will
be difficult if not impossible to get them to think. This is not to
suggest that we "stoop" to their level, but we must be cognizant of
what we are up against.
5. I believe that, if possible, these shiurim/discussions should not be
held in a co-ed environment. Aside from the possible embarrassment that
can occur in mixed settings, I have found that the students are much
more willing to participate and to remain open-minded when they are not
with the opposite gender. The non-co-ed environment also sets the tone
of dignity and kedusha for this sensitive topic.
6. Similar to #5, if at all possible, these shiurim/discussions should
not be conducted by a non-married teacher.
There is much more to be said, but I think I will stop here for now. I
am quite interested in hearing other's thoughts on the topic. I am only
one person and I would love to hear feedback, both positive and
negative.
Again, tizku l'mitzvot!
Yamin Goldsmith
ygoldsmith@yahoo.com</HTML>
