Parents are our Partners: Important Lessons from the Pandemic for Jewish Educators

Supplemental Jewish educators quickly pivoted to online instruction once the pandemic broke. Teachers “zoomed” into the homes of our students and thus into a direct partnership with their parents. This was a dramatic shift from before the crisis when there was often a dichotomy between home and school—school being where “Jewish” happened.

Some Jewish educators believed that the school-home dichotomy was ideal, that Jewish education should be delivered by “those who know” rather than the parents. Ironically, when it comes to Jewish education, the parent was always a partner and likely a more important partner than the teacher realized. Lived Judaism is centered in the home where parents and extended family have the most important influence on the Jewish identity of their children. Certainly, teachers can inspire children to want to learn more and they can become role models for them, but the values of their parents are most compelling.

The last quarter of the twentieth century saw a rise in family education. Instructional time and money were invested in the premise that Jewish educators could create a scaffold of education and experiences for families, so that parents who were less educated could be helped to teach their own children about Judaism. This created the potential for a partnership between school and home and the opportunity to deepen a family’s Jewish experience in a positive way.

Ultimately, family education failed in many communities where it was not structured around whole family experiences and where it did not have a carefully thought-out curricular structure. Many schools used a classroom-based model where, for example, parents were invited to come to a classroom with one of their children for an activity or learning session. If they had more than one child, they likely attended this same program multiple times. It was usually geared to the child’s level and neither inspired the parents nor motivated them to bring what they had learned into their homes. Judaism is centered in the home and the memories of Jewish practices surrounded by loving parents and grandparents is what has led to Jewish continuity from generation to generation throughout our history.

In the age of Coronavirus, as we provide instruction directly into the home, it is impossible to ignore the role of the parents. Suddenly teachers and school directors understand that without the cooperation of the parents, they are not likely to be successful teaching online. This is an important, critical insight and was actually always the case. Children are not likely to be successful in a face-to-face classroom either, without the encouragement, support, and participation of their family.

There are so many practical examples of this notion. For example: if you teach a child a Passover song that can be sung at their Seders, it is not likely they will sing it unless the parents know the song as well and have the words and perhaps the music at hand. If you teach a child to bake a challah in school, it is less likely they will do it at home unless a parent has also been taught how and inspired to do so. If you want a child to practice their Hebrew reading at home, it is much more likely to happen if the parent can read Hebrew than if they cannot help their child.

This awareness is true for long-term goals also. If you want children to celebrate Sukkot at home as adults, it is more likely to happen if they grow up with a sukkah built by their parents. It is unlikely that a Synagogue sukkah will lead to that outcome. If Bible study is to become a lifelong habit, it is critical that children see their parents engage in Torah study. The pattern is clear: it is the values, Jewish practices, and traditions of their parents and grandparents that children carry with them into adulthood. That is why it is so critical that schools engage families, deepen their knowledge and repertoire of Jewish practice, and encourage them to incorporate these things into their homes.

Judaism contains many practices and teachings that make life richer and that offer wisdom and comfort to those who engage with it. These are important aspects of life that many people are seeking. Our job as Jewish educators is to open doors to people and let them explore Judaism for themselves. It is never too late to discover more about your own history and heritage.

Feeling connected to Jewish and family history is compelling. Experiencing warm family celebrations in the home builds a foundation for a Jewish future. What happens in the home matters and therefore, if we, in schools and synagogues, are working to transmit Jewish culture and education to a new generation of Jews, we must work together with the family to succeed. If the adults are interested in learning more, than part of our job is certainly to teach them. 

Parents today who enroll their children in supplementary and day schools do so because they want them to have a Jewish education. Too many Jewish children today do not get a Jewish education at all. Even when parents are reacting to pressure from grandparents to enroll their kids or because they want them to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, Jewish education and Jewish continuity have a place in their lives, and they are willing to invest their time and money to make that happen. That may not be as deep a commitment as if they recognized that being Jewish requires a certain degree of literacy and knowledge, but it is a start.

Some parents may not have the skills to feel comfortable “doing Jewish” in their homes. Why institute a Shabbat dinner if it were not a tradition in their homes of origin, or if they are not familiar with the blessings, or do not have a sense of why Shabbat is meaningful to them? Now that Jewish education is coming directly into the home, this has created a real opportunity for us to bring not only Hebrew school but adult education and family education into the home as well.

Parents are under a lot of pressure now, especially if they are juggling work and child care. Jewish educators must respond to the stressors facing both parents and children. Judaism has a lot to offer in this pandemic environment, and when it’s over, children and their parents should feel that their Jewish community was one of the places they went to for support during troubled times, and not a place that added to their stress. The whole Jewish community, not only the school, should support families. Teachers, because they regularly engage with the families, know what support the family needs and can convey that to community and clergy.

This does not imply that the content of a Jewish education is unimportant. On the contrary, Jewish wisdom, celebrations, and spiritual practices can inform and support a family in difficult of times. Making those connections for the family should be the goal of Jewish education now. Educators should be asking what about Judaism could help the family feel more connected? What teachings could bring them comfort?