Shelo Asani… Navigating Prayer Practices in a Modern Orthodox School

Yael Krieger is the Associate Head of School at Oakland Hebrew Day School (Oakland, CA). Previously, she was the Director of Teaching and Learning at the Jewish Community High School of the Bay in San Francisco. She holds an M.S. in Urban Education and is currently a fellow in the Day School Leadership Training Institute.
Oakland Hebrew Day School is a Modern Orthodox school that draws from a wide range of religiously diverse families. With our enrollment coming from (and relying on) a diversity of affiliations, our commitment to maintaining our Modern Orthodox identity sometimes creates complications, particularly in the realm of our tefillah practices. Many parents don’t have personal prayer practices, and for parents who do, some follow liturgies or traditions from different denominations.
Like many schools, we have a siddur ceremony in the 1st grade in which students receive their own siddurim. As an Orthodox school, we distribute Orthodox siddurim (we have been using the Koren Youth Siddur). One prayer that can be especially challenging for families outside the Orthodox tradition—and that sometimes clashes with modern sensibilities—is the series of identity blessings in the Birkhot HaShahar:
Blessed are You, A-donai our God, King of the Universe…
…Who did not make me a gentile.
…Who did not make me a slave.
…Who did not make me a woman. (A woman says: …Who made me according to His will.)
About ten years ago, one family reached out, expressing their discomfort with these formulations of the blessings and requesting that their child say these blessings using the formulation which appears in the siddur of the Conservative Movement, which was their family’s custom:
Blessed are You, A-donai our God, King of the Universe…
…Who made me in Your image.
…Who made me a Jew.
…Who made me free.
The request provided an important opportunity for us to reflect. Tefillah is an incredibly important component of day school learning. When done well, it is the paradigm of the nexus of curricular text with experiential learning. Our school has put considerable effort into creative thinking and intention around our tefillah program, and as with other questions of curriculum and practice, we begin these conversations with asking the question, “What matters most?”
Through faculty conversations, the following have emerged as our guiding principles and goals for tefillah:
- Cultivating a sense of holiness
- Creating connections between the student and tefillah through mastery of the prayers, leadership capacity, and personal meaning
- Nurturing a prayer community, where students see their presence as vital for creating space for others to pray
- Honoring that a diversity of prayer practices, tunes, and liturgy exist within the Jewish world
We wanted to find a way to both follow the halakhic practice of the school while being guided by the principles of “creating connections between the student and tefillah through personal meaning” and “honoring the diversity of prayer liturgy” that exist for our families. In conversation with our overseeing halakhic advisor, we decided that in 2nd grade—which incorporates tefillah explorations and the practice of students keeping a tefillah journal of what prayers mean to them—the teacher would discuss what different communities do with these blessings, and what our school community does. Following this conversation, these three berakhot would be said silently, with the subtext being that children could say them as was their family’s tradition.
For the last decade, the 2nd grade teacher has sent an email to the families as follows:
Some students have expressed curiosity about the three blessings we say in Birkhot HaShahar (the morning blessings) that are different for boys and girls. The three blessings focus on showing gratitude for the mitzvot we have been given. We will talk about the blessings thanking Hashem for not making us non-Jews and not making us slaves. We will brainstorm about why the rabbis might have decided to phrase these blessings in the negative…We will explore the historical context of these blessings, look at how some other communities approach these blessings, and then talk about how our community of OHDS responds to this blessing by maintaining its presence in our tefillah… Moving forward, we will be saying these three blessings silently to ourselves in our daily tefillah, and I will be encouraging the students to think about their gratitude for being free and for the mitzvot that Hashem gave us. Please feel free to discuss these blessings with your children over the next week or two and share your own perspectives and practices. Please let me know if you have any questions!
While this model of addressing this text worked for many years, we recently had a family which voiced concerns about their 1st grade child using this liturgy. In 1st grade, the students are new readers, and the tefillah focus is on cultivating the relationship students have with their siddur, preparing them for their ceremony of receiving their own siddur. Developmentally and logistically, shifting our current approach to 1st grade felt more complicated.
Again, this created an opportunity for us to reflect. When we expose students to a diversity of tunes for prayers, liturgy, or traditions, we impact on how students develop their fluency and familiarity with the siddur. While individuation can enhance each student’s personal connection to the prayers, it can also complicate how students understand becoming part of a “prayer community.” As we thought about this parent’s concern, we found ourselves grappling with the competing values of enhancing individual meaning and responsibility to the community. How much diversity can we bring into a singular prayer space before we risk losing a sense of community?
This new reflection was built on another shift we had made a few years earlier, in which we offered families a choice of which Orthodox siddur to give to their child, an Ashkenazi siddur or a Sephardi one. (For consistency, we stuck to the Koren Youth editions.) While this more expansive model better aligned with our guiding principles of “creating connections between the student and tefillah through personal meaning” and “honoring that a diversity of prayer practices, tunes, and liturgy exist within the Jewish world,” it introduced new challenges for the teacher in easily supporting the students to develop a fluency and familiarity with their new siddurim, which now had different orders of some prayers and even slightly different words.
Interestingly, in leaning into this flexibility, we found a new approach to our Birkhot HaShahar dilemma. In the Sephardi version of the Birkhot HaShahar, the three identity blessings are at the end of the set of blessings rather than at the beginning (where they appear in the Ashkenazi rite). We therefore decided that all students would begin learning the Birkhot Hashahar blessings using the version from the Sephardi siddur, allowing us to delay the introduction of the three identity blessings until the 2nd grade.
Starting this coming year, when students receive their siddur in the 1st grade, those with the Ashkenazi version will clip an insert of the Sephardi version into their siddur. This will allow for an initial conversation in 1st grade around the different traditions in nusah, while also highlighting, normalizing, and integrating a specific difference. Then, when the students in 2nd grade learn the final three identity blessings, they can expand the conversation to cover the more complicated topics of the prayer contents.
Following these classroom discussions, and conversations with each family, students will shift to quietly saying the version that they and their family want them to say, and this version will be clipped into their siddur.
The values driving this change emerged as:
- Students will experience more Sephardi practices, awareness, and integration
- The scope and structure for learning the Birkhot HaShahar will be more seamless and will allow for the more complex conversations around the diversity of prayer and the identity berakhot.
- Students will experience an increased awareness of the diversity of prayer practices within the broader Jewish communities
As school administrators, balancing the individual needs of families with the mission of the school and the community’s needs can be a daunting task. When faced with these questions, first and foremost, it is important to listen deeply to the question or concern. Then using guiding principles and values, assess whether there is space for addressing the individual concern without compromising the community. Conversations with the multitudes of stakeholders (families, teachers, halakhic advisors, etc.) are not only a way to better understand the issues at play, but also bring more voices and perspectives into the conversation, increasing the creative thinking and potential for more possibilities to reveal themselves.

Yael Krieger is the Associate Head of School at Oakland Hebrew Day School (Oakland, CA). Previously, she was the Director of Teaching and Learning at the Jewish Community High School of the Bay in San Francisco. She holds an M.S. in Urban Education and is currently a fellow in the Day School Leadership Training Institute.
From The Editor: Fall 2025
The year was 1982. I was studying in Jerusalem for the year and my roommate invited me to join him on one of his visits to an elderly recent immigrant from the Soviet Union now living in an absorption center. When we arrived, I was introduced to the elderly gentleman, who told me that his name was Mr. Morehdin (although I suspected that the name was not his original one). While he had a difficult life in the Soviet Union, having spent time in Siberia, he chose to share with us that day how he survived a Nazi concentration camp. One day a Nazi guard summoned him, having heard that he was Talmud scholar. The guard had been told that there were disparaging statements in the Talmud about gentiles, and even laws discriminating between gentiles and Jews in civil matters.
Deuteronomy and the Buddhas of Bamiyan
The Buddhas of Bamiyan were two giant Buddha statues, each well over 100 feet tall, that survived nearly 1500 years until they were obliterated by the Taliban in 2001. The explicit motive of the destruction was extreme Islamic iconoclasm. Almost as soon as the explosions were broadcast worldwide, I raised the obvious connections to Deuteronomy 12:You are to demolish, yes, demolish, all the [sacred] places where the nations that you are dispossessing served their gods, on the high hills and on the mountains and beneath every luxuriant tree; you are to wreck their altars, you are to smash their standing-pillars, their Asherot you are to burn with fire, and the carved-images of their gods, you are to cut-to-shreds—so that you cause their name to perish from that place!
Troubling Texts or Troubling Troubles with Texts?
In the instruction of Biblical or Rabbinic texts, it is quite common for teachers to experience apparent conflicts between the values arising from the texts and the prevailing values of their students. Teachers may feel torn between their loyalty to Jewish tradition that they are expected to impart and their personal and/or cultural identification with the students entrusted to their care. It is my contention and experience that the sharper or more painful the apparent conflict between the values of a text and the values of students, the greater the educational potential. However, teachers need to carefully consider how their own value-orientational ambivalence is playing a role in the educational dissonance—are we really dealing with “troubling texts,” or are we dealing with troubling troubles with texts?
Rebranding God
I’ve been teaching for forty years, mostly to day school graduates. And I’ve noticed something surprising: very few of them have had real educational experiences exploring who God is—or what kind of relationship we’re meant to have with Him. They’re taught about Judaism, Torah, Halakha—but not God.
I won’t explore why that’s the case here, but I do want to talk about the consequences.
We live in a world shaped by beliefs. Beliefs build our reality. They can uplift and energize us—or drain and depress us.
Tanakh’s Challenging Issues: Traditional and Modern Torah Perspectives in Dialogue
Many people view traditional religious and modern critical orientations to Tanakh study as mutually exclusive… Yet, presenting these two approaches as oppositional, with only one holding a claim to the “real” truth, forces students to choose between the curiosity of their minds and the yearnings of their souls, rather than cultivating and nourishing both aspects of their personhood as fully committed Jews living in the modern world. In its best form, Jewish education should involve teaching critical academic and traditional religious perspectives alongside one another, so that students can see the value of both approaches in uncovering the Tanakh’s multivalent meaningfulness and come to embrace the texts of their heritage “with all their hearts, minds, and souls.”
Engaging the Gemara Gap
In my mid to late teens, I became very attached to the study of Gemara. That passion continued for me until, as a twenty-something, I began teaching it to high school students. I soon came to the realization that I did not understand the Gemara in a way that allowed me to successfully transmit its meaning to others. My cultural and religious connection to Gemara had been strong, but not because its contents were fully clear to me. In fact, coming to this realization, I stopped teaching Gemara for a while.Years later, I fell in love with Gemara again. Now, I love learning difficult segments in the Gemara. These are not necessarily morally or ethically disturbing texts. For me, difficult texts are those where meaning-making is not simple; where, as a learner, I will ask: ”What is this Gemara trying to say and why is it here at all?”
A Conversation Across Contexts: A Case for Intertextual Jewish Education
Some Jewish texts are difficult to teach because they demand so much from us and, even more challengingly, our students. They present moral tensions, portray uncomfortable ideas, or raise questions about our faith that sit uneasily with younger thinkers trying to reconcile earlier voices with contemporary values when they feel most comfortable in a space of clear definition. Avoiding these texts can feel easier, but doing so undermines an opportunity for meaningful engagement. When we engage them honestly—balancing yirat shamayim and intellectual integrity—we offer them opportunities for deep learning, not just of content, but of character. I teach both English and Limudei Kodesh at a Modern Orthodox high school.
The King David Hotel Bombing: Eyewitness Accounts as Educational Tools
On 22 July 1946, a massive explosion ripped through the King David Hotel in Jerusalem, leaving 91 people dead, dozens injured, and significant damage to the building itself. Although all three paramilitary organizations operating in the Yishuv had known about this event beforehand, the Irgun was solely involved in planning and executing the attack. This bombing is a critical moment in the history of modern Israel, exemplifying the desperate lengths to which Jews in Palestine were willing to go to confront the British through increasingly military means. At the time, the bombing of the King David Hotel was condemned by many, including the international press and even prominent figures such as Chaim Weizmann.
Love, Gender, and Leviticus
For the final unit assessment of our 12th grade Jewish Studies elective called “Love, Gender, and Relationships,” students had to address the prohibition of same-sex intimacy found in Leviticus 18:22. They could either explore the inclusion of this text in the Yom Kippur Minha Torah reading or respond to a (fictional) friend’s request for advice regarding Jewish practice and same-sex relations. Gabby—a dedicated student who had never missed a deadline—requested an extension because she cried every time she sat down to write.
The Ephemeral Nature of Difficult Texts
This article is neither a record of success nor of unmitigated failure. It is a reflective description and evaluation of my experience, which I see as part of my own professional growth and which I share in the hope that it will be of help to other teachers. I should add the caveat that this reflection is happening much too soon for reliability. My standard line to students is that I judge my teaching by the condition of their souls ten years afterward (and I love it when they call to let me do that).Nearly three decades ago, I taught the book of Jeremiah in a Modern Orthodox high school. I identified ways that the text might challenge my students and planned my teaching around them.
Three Hashkafot, One Torah: Teaching Challenging Jewish Texts about Women
It is impossible to learn and teach Torah without encountering texts that relate to women in challenging ways. Contemporary conceptions of women’s roles and rights chafe against stories and laws in the Tanakh and Talmud, the historical development of halakha, normative prayer practices, and underlying assumptions in philosophical works. In this brief article, I do not attempt to soothe these tensions—that is far too great a task! Rather, I seek to offer the reader three conceptual frameworks—hashkafot, if you will—through which we tend to approach this tension in Orthodox day schools. Each hashkafa is described in the full-throated voice of a proponent of that lens. Then, I discuss some potential tradeoffs of using each conceptual framework in a Judaic studies classroom.
Using Context and Subtext to Unpack the Text
Teachers of Torah texts in the day school setting are bound to encounter a text that contains content that is difficult to teach. It can be especially difficult when the text seems to be working from a framework of values or interests that are distant from the current moment. Or, it may just be too heavy a lift to explain to students what a particular text or story was trying to accomplish when the students only notice a bothersome turn of phrase. With attention paid to context and subtext, a text that initially seems troubling may show depth that makes teaching it not only possible, but essential. An example of this can be found on Kiddushin 49a-b. The Gemara begins a discussion about how to make sure a man has fulfilled a condition he set regarding his own character traits in order to accomplish the transaction of kiddushin.
Utilizing Communities of Inquiry to Navigate Challenging Tanakh Texts
When addressing morally complex Tanakh texts, middle school educators face the dual challenge of maintaining textual integrity while fostering meaningful student engagement. To meet this challenge, we have introduced “Communities of Inquiry” (CoI), a pedagogical approach rooted in the Philosophy for Children (P4C) movement. These collaborative learning environments allow students and teachers to explore ideas, questions, and ethical dilemmas that arise from complex Tanakh passages. In this framework, students engage in “doing philosophy”—not as an academic discipline, but as a way of thinking that deepens their connection to Tanakh and to the broader human experience.This approach emphasizes philosophy as an active, practice-based discipline.
Struggling with Form and Feeling
Over a delectable meal during Hanukkah in 2012, Professor Gerald Bubis told me about a sermon he had heard at Valley Beth Shalom in Los Angeles. In it, Rabbi Harold Shulweis passionately insisted that kashrut practices must be rooted in ethical consciousness. “The Jewish theology of kashrut is not pots and pantheism,” Shulweis poetically preached from the bimah in 2009. Jerry spoke to me not only as a budding Jewish educator, but also as a future family member, encouraging me to balance halakhic rigor with spiritual depth. He railed against mechanical or performative acts, in all arenas. This was one of our earliest and most memorable conversations. Thirteen years later, while teaching a capstone course in modern Jewish thought to high school seniors at Rochelle Zell Jewish High School, I found myself reflecting on that encounter.
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So pleased to see this creativity!