Jewish Education Amidst Rising Antisemitism  volume 22:2 Winter 2024

The Competitive Mensch: Instilling Middot Through Competitive Sports

by | Apr 21, 2025 | Impactful Educational Programming and Practice | 0 comments

Over the course of forty-three years, I have coached over 1,300 basketball games. Some of those were in a Synagogue Basketball League, some in a Yeshiva Elementary School League, but most at the high school varsity level in the NY area Yeshiva High School Basketball League. I have seen situations others could not even imagine—from players and their parents to coaches and senior school officials. And I have seen how a sports coach can impact on much more than the game.

Sacrificing honesty

Here’s an example from the days when I was coaching an elementary school team. We were playing a prominent day school on their home court. The game was close. At the start of the fourth quarter, I noticed something strange. The star player of the home team was seen quickly walking out of the gym to their locker room, escorted by an assistant coach and a bench-warming fellow player. (“Bench warmers” are players who are not great athletes, so they often do not get a chance to play.) When the star, along with the bench-warmer and the coach, returned to the main gym a few minutes later, I was shocked when I realized that the star player and the bench-warmer—apparently at the direction of the coach—had switched uniforms.

For those of you who may not be familiar with basketball rules, when a player commits five fouls, he must leave the game. Fouls are called by the referee by blowing his whistle and indicating to the official scorer the number of the player (which is prominently displayed on the back of the uniform) who has committed the foul. At the start of the fourth quarter, the star player had four fouls; one more and he would be out of the game! Now that the star was wearing a different uniform with a different number, from the referees’ perspectives, this was a different player who had committed no fouls and was in no danger of being thrown out of the game.

Pause for a moment to consider what all the members of the team, their friends, and anyone else in the school community who would find out learned at that moment. This was a powerful teaching moment, in which the message was that getting ahead trumps everything, including honesty. No number of classroom hours could undo that deep-seated lesson that they all learned.

Gratz College Master's Degree in Antisemitism Studies

Winning and losing with dignity

Not all the teams that I coached were blessed with talented players. Some years, we just tried our hardest and did the best we could. Once, one of my weaker teams played an away game against a much stronger team. At the start of the fourth quarter, we were down 67-34. The game was a blowout; there was no chance that we would ever catch up, especially with the team that we had. Realizing that the game was essentially lost, I put in the second team some of the even less talented players, so that they could at least get some playing time. By contrast, the opposing team continued to keep their starting team in the game and full-court pressed my second team relentlessly.

After a few minutes, with my team getting very agitated and embarrassed, I called a “Time Out.” During that pause, I went quietly over to the opposing coach and asked why he was needlessly and intentionally running up the score and embarrassing my team. The opposing coach did not even offer a response. I returned to my bench and put in my third team, the bench-warmers. But I also gave them an explicit instruction that if they saw that the opposing team was still playing their starters and pressing relentlessly, they should put the ball down and leave the gym in protest, even though at that point there were only about two minutes left on the clock. Sure enough, the opposing coach brought out his strongest players and continued the full-court press. And my players walked off the court in protest.

The opposing coach was furious. He demanded that we finish the game, which I politely refused. When he complained to the league’s Commissioner, I was dressed down for what I had done. Sure enough, word got out, and a parent from the opposing team who was upset at the coach’s behavior brought me a videotape of the entire game. Together with the Athletic Director of the school, we presented it to the Commissioner, who instituted a new rule for the league, forbidding a team that is leading by twenty or more points from running either a full-court or a half-court press.

We took a principled stand protecting the right for all teams to lose with dignity, but also the responsibility of superior teams to win with menschlichkeit. That rule has since been invoked many times, and students on both sides understand the importance of recognizing the dignity of their opponent.

The three-minute proposal

Some of the teams I coached had very talented players, and they won league championships. In the late 1980s and early 1990s, the NY area Yeshiva Basketball League managed to schedule the league championship game in Madison Square Garden, the world’s most famous arena, before a NY Knicks professional game. Playing in a championship game on the Garden floor was a dream come true, a memory for a lifetime.

Gratz College Master's Degree in Antisemitism Studies

The first time I had a game in the Garden, I did some research about the venue and found out that without thousands of fans sitting in the stadium, there was a depth-perception challenge in shooting “outside” shots. I also found out that for non-professional players unaccustomed to the famous Garden floor, exhaustion sets in quickly, even after three minutes.

About a week before the big game, I met with my team after practice to plan our strategy for the game based on my scouting intel. Aside from all the other things we spoke about, I presented the team with three proposals specifically related to the venue. First, given the depth-perception issue, we will let the other team shoot from the outside while we play a tight defense protecting the inside (close to the basket) and position ourselves to get every rebound. Second, we will substitute five new players after three-to-four minutes of play so the starters can rest after being exhausted and get ready to play hard again. Third, we would make sure that every player, even the bench-warmers, would get about two minutes during the second quarter.

That last idea was not related to my research, but came from a deep commitment to the individual team players. After all, how can I bring players to Madison Square Garden and not give them a chance to actually play on that famed court? How could I let them go through life or face their grandchildren knowing that their team played in the world’s most famous arena but that they never got into the game?

To their credit, the team embraced all the pieces of the proposed game strategy, especially the concept that every player will get the opportunity to play—knowing full well that this could affect the outcome of the championship. In fact, the starters urged the subs to practice hard for the game so that they could contribute meaningfully to the team’s victory.

Reflecting on that moment, I am still moved by the team’s response. It meant that they had truly internalized not only the value of winning, and not only the value of the team, but also the value of each and every member of the team, regardless of their athletic abilities.

A few days before the big day, I called the opposing coach and suggested that he reciprocate and play his subs when I play mine. Like the mensch that he was, he agreed immediately. What started as a commitment to my own players was now being adopted in another school so that their players could have the same experience.

As for the game, the opposing team hit every one of their outside shots, and after three minutes, we were down 13-2. Nonetheless, in the second quarter, every one of the players on both teams got to play on the Garden floor. It was a moment to be remembered—dreams fulfilled, both schools proud of how they handled it, and the messages reverberating throughout the school communities.

There were other championship games in the Garden. In some, the opposing coaches quickly embraced my idea so that other teens got to see their dreams come true. One game, in particular, stands out in that the opposing coach refused. Despite that knowledge, my players insisted that every team member get playing time on the floor, knowing full well the price. The game started well; we were up by twelve points at the end of the first quarter. The tide turned when I played my second and third, and fourth teams, so that our lead was cut to a single point by the half—yet nobody second-guessed the decision. The game was intense and competitive (and we won by a single point).

Most remarkable, however, was what happened after the game. Four parents from the opposing team came over to shake my hand. “We saw what you did there on the court in the second quarter. You taught everyone a powerful lifelong lesson. And we wish that our coach had done the same.”

It feels good to be a mensch.

Gratz College Master's Degree in Antisemitism Studies
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Bobby Kaplan (aka Coach K) began his basketball career at the Rabbi Jacob Joseph High School, where he was an All-Star point guard and was inducted into its Hall of Fame. He later played for City College and dedicated more than four decades to coaching (including many championships) and modeling menschlichkeit for his players. He owned and directed the IBA Summer Basketball Camp, and is the author of two award-winning books, Bball Basics for Kids and Hoopsters: Don’t Be a Bully.

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